End of Hope
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: "Life with Marcus Pike was not as bad as she had expected. He cherished her, loved her, and he took care of her. Just because she didn't love him back didn't mean that she wasn't appreciative of his care." Starts off with Lisbon/Pike, but eventually turns to Jisbon. Angsty, AU, but I feel like it could have been a possibility.


**A/N: You wanted Angst, well this is Angst alright! This piece is definitely AU, but I felt like this might have been a possibility if Jane hadn't confessed his feelings and Lisbon had stayed with Pike. Don't get me wrong, I love Pike, but I just wanted to write this piece because I felt like it. Hope you'll enjoy!**

 **Warning: Mentions of abuse, and actual abuse, but it's not quite M-rated. But I'm just warning you, in case you get triggered. I don't want you to feel bad!**

 **Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

 ** _'End of Hope'_**

Life with Marcus Pike was not as bad as she had expected. He cherished her, loved her, and he took care of her. Just because she didn't love him back didn't mean that she wasn't appreciative of his care.

She supposed it was obvious to the outside world what her feelings were for her partner, but she didn't care. She needed someone to hold her every now and then, and Marcus was able to provide that. Whatever people were saying about her behind her back, she knew she was comfortable where she was.

She hadn't moved to Washington, but had instead chosen to stay in Austin. He loved her too much to let her go like that, especially considering she had chosen for him, so he had come back to Austin. For her.

~...~

"How are you?" a familiar voice asked her. She hadn't heard it in weeks, and she wondered if he had purposely stayed in the background. Ever since he had messed up big time in the Blue Bird hotel, he actually hadn't once talked to her. Sometimes he had waved at her, but she never waved back.

"Fine."

She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, and saw he retreated, back to his couch.

She didn't mean to be so mean. But he had hardly apologized, just some words she knew he didn't mean. If he wasn't going to say anything useful, he might as well say nothing at all.

~...~

Pike bought a house for them to live in, and she loved decorating it, she had never really owned an actual house, only apartments. She wasn't the flower type of woman who would put plants on every square inch, so instead she focused on matching the colors of her curtains with little accents on the salon table, and when she was nearly finished, she sat on the couch and looked around.

Pike sat down beside her, his hand around her back resting on her waist. He planted a small kiss in her hair.

"Beautiful," he whispered, and she smiled, brushing his knee, letting him know how much she appreciated his affections. She might not be in love with him, but she did love him. "And the house looks gorgeous, too."

She rolled her eyes, but his words made her feel warm inside. She hadn't heard words like these in a while.

~...~

Pike took her out for dinner at the fanciest restaurants he could afford, and she dressed up for him, finally having a purpose for some of those dresses she'd bought on a whim.

She enjoyed talking to him, with him, liked his company and the love he poured into her soul.

He proposed to her again, realizing his first was not quite as romantic as it should have been.

The first time around, she'd had her doubts. She had only known him for a few weeks - how could she ever know if this was the man who she wanted to marry? This time, however, she knew she would have a good life with him, had seen it countless of times before. She would be looked after. She had to let go of that childhood fantasy where she would marry the man she was head over heels in love with, like all the princesses always did.

When they came back home, she felt her heart flutter a little when he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"I know I might not be your first choice," he whispered against her lips, "but I hope, Teresa Lisbon, that I might be enough for you."

She guided him towards the couch, made him sit down and slid onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"The past is the past." She kissed him, biting his lower lip, making his arms tighten around her. "I'm marrying you, am I not?"

He smiled and returned her kisses. For the first time, she felt she wasn't making up for what she couldn't have - rather, she was focusing on her future with the man inside her arms.

~...~

She came into work one day to find a small bouquet of white and red roses, carefully placed onto her desk, and she instinctively smiled, remembering the morning she'd had.

He was so sweet. She didn't know why she had doubted him at first.

She sat down in her chair, rolling up to her desk to read the little note that was attached to it. The only thing that was written down was the letter 'P'.

Her smile brightened. So sweet. Her man.

As she drove home, the bouquet on the seat next to her, she thought of how far they had come in the past few weeks, months. She finally felt a semblance of happiness, for the first time in ages. She loved him, she knew that, and she was slowly developing feelings for him, realizing she hadn't felt that for him before. Now, with every bright smile he flashed her and pretty words that he whispered into her ear, she fell for him.

Arriving at home, she found him finishing their dinner, and he paused his occupations briefly to pull her close and kiss her. She showed him the flowers, smiling from ear to ear.

"They're really gorgeous."

He looked down at her hands and he started frowning, and it made her stomach drop a bit. He looked at the note and sighed.

"They are, but they're not mine."

P. Patrick Jane. Of course, that son of a bitch. Could he not leave her alone?

"He doesn't know how to take a hint, does he?"

That made her chuckle a little. If only he knew.

~...~

It was a few weeks into her new life with Marcus that he started talking about Jane, more than he already did. She didn't know why - after all, it was Marcus she was sleeping with, and not Patrick Jane.

"Have you ever noticed how Jane never listens to what you're saying? Like, he'll ask you a question and you'll answer but he will be talking about the next topic already."

And she realized that he might be right. She had been blind to Jane's arrogance before, perhaps so caught up in that childish naivete that he might fall for her one day. He wasn't her knight in shining armor - he wasn't even her friend, she knew that. Friends would take a hint and step away when needed.

With Marcus' words in the back of her mind, she decided to confront Jane. He needed to stop, now, or he might forever stand in between her and her well deserved happy future.

"Why can't you leave me alone?"

He frowned, lowering his cup of tea. It annoyed her that he pretended not to know what she was talking about.

She didn't let him respond, instead just stamped on the ground with one foot.

"Dammit, Jane! The flowers! Why can't you just take a hint and leave me the hell alone?! I'm finally happy now, with a good man, just let me enjoy that!"

"What flowers?"

"Take your head out of your ass, Patrick Jane. I know exactly what you're doing, and it's not working. I don't… if you continue like this, I don't think I want you around."

"Lisbon, I'm serious: what flowers?"

She felt anger boil in her lower belly, but before she could do anything she would regret, she turned around and walked away, wanting, needing to return to Marcus.

"Lisbon!"

She didn't turn around. He didn't deserve her attention, not even her presence. He had been the cause of all of her heartache, and there had been no exceptions. Every time again she had been naive, thinking he might be able to change, but she was proven time and time again that he simply couldn't. The deaths of his family had changed him for good, and he would never be able to be a human being who cared about other people's feelings.

Not anymore. She was happy now, here, with Marcus Pike as her sweet and gorgeous fiancé. Nothing Patrick Jane might say or do will ever change that.

~...~

When she arrived at home, she was upset, and she scolded herself for feeling that way, because she had vowed not to feel like that about Patrick Jane ever again.

Marcus was there to support her, wrapping his arms around her and calming her down.

"I know this is hard," he whispered, "but maybe it's best if you don't talk to Jane anymore. Like… ever. The only thing he does is hurt you. Push you away from everybody."

He put his hands against her hips, pulling her flush against him.

"Teresa Lisbon, you deserve to be happy. And you know he doesn't fit in that picture."

He was right, of course he was. She didn't want to tell Jane however, couldn't call off their friendship that had gone on for so many years, so without saying anything, she encouraged Marcus to tell him.

It would hurt, but Jane would understand. Even if he didn't, he would have to. She didn't have time for him anymore.

~...~

It was Saturday and she was cleaning around the house a little, Marcus having left for an important impromptu work meeting. She liked moving around the house she felt so good in, where so many sweet and loving words had been uttered, and she felt truly happy, blessed even with his love.

The doorbell rang and she answered it, surprised to find none other than Patrick Jane there. She felt that familiar surge of anger inside her, and she wanted to push him away.

"Why can't you stay away from me?"

"I just came to check up on you."

"Why would you want to do that?"

"Because I'm worried about you. Are you alright?"

"What is that even supposed to mean? Dammit, Jane. I don't want to see you again."

He looked down at his feet, and nodded.

"Okay." He met her eyes again. "Look, I'm really sorry for treating you the way I did."

"I don't care."

He nodded again, and put his hands in his pockets.

"At least I tried," he said and turned around, walking away. She angrily slammed the door shut and instinctively wanted to call Marcus. No. She had to deal with this herself. She had burdened him enough with this. Patrick Jane was her problem.

~...~

When Kimball Cho had also stopped by, claiming he wanted to view her new house, she got suspicious. What were these people thinking, that she was some helpless little bird they had to protect? She was Teresa Lisbon, for God's sake, and she was not in danger!

Marcus had also found out about all the commotion and had pulled her aside around dinner time.

"I think that Jane might be conspiring with Cho and the others against me."

She looked at him, flabbergasted. She had thought that there was something weird about all of them showing up at their place, too, but she never once thought that they wanted to get rid of him. She actually let out a nervous laugh at his words.

"Marcus, that's insane. You're acting paranoid."

He grabbed her arm, firmly, and it sent a jolt of pain up to her brain, but she thought it might have been more shock than actual hurt. Her eyes widened a little, but it just made his hold tighten more.

"I don't want you to see them anymore."

"Marcus, you're hurting me."

It took a few seconds for her words to register, but when they did, he took back his hand as if burned, and the look on his face could only be described as ashamed.

"Oh, my God… Teresa, I'm so sorry." He lowered himself to the floor and put his head in his hands.

Now, shame washed over her instead. It hadn't been that bad, but she had exaggerated. She was acting stupid, and she could understand why he would feel like she wasn't committed to this relationship.

She lowered herself to his eyelevel.

"Hey. I'm sorry." She brushed his hair, and it made him look at her. "Maybe you're right. About Cho."

He reached out to hold one of her hands, pressing a kiss against her wrist.

"I'm so afraid I will lose you."

They didn't talk after that.

~...~

It felt both liberating and a little bit frightening to let go of her entire past, cut all her ties with friends and family, but she was in good hands, she knew. Marcus had convinced her that her entire past had been filled with despair, and she knew he was right. She hadn't felt this happy in ages, now that she was in his arms, and she would do anything to keep this close to her, keep his love.

~...~

They fought sometimes, but she had had relationships before, and he had, too - all relationships had arguments from time to time. No matter how much his words could hurt sometimes, she loved him, and fell in love with his other words, the ones that praised her beauty, showered her with compliments.

At one point, one of their arguments had gotten so heated that her hand slipped, a soft slap, and she'd already regretted it, opening her mouth to apologize to him, when he hit her back, way harder than she would ever be able to hit anyone. She fell to the floor, her ears ringing, and she was left stunned, thrown back almost thirty years ago.

No.

This wasn't the same. He hadn't loved her. Marcus, however, loved her, was her fiancé.

He dropped in front of her, brushing her cheek, asking for her forgiveness.

She always gave it. How could she not? She loved him. And he loved her. After all, he had stayed with her, even when Jane had threatened their relationship with his excessive intrusiveness.

~...~

She went out to get groceries, enjoying some fresh air and a distraction from her raging thoughts, when she noticed somebody shadowing her.

She instantly pulled her sleeves down, hiding some of the bruises that were there. She didn't need somebody's worry, and hoped that this was not somebody she knew. There was no need to talk.

A hand touched her arm and she jumped, ready to push the stranger away.

She was met with familiar eyes, and she instantly was filled with anger.

"Seriously?!"

"Lisbon, listen to me," Jane started, keeping his voice down, and rolled up one of her sleeves. "Don't ask me how I know, I just do. I'm not going to tell you to leave him, I'm just… scared of what might happen to you. If you need someone to talk to, you can contact me, or Cho, or any of us. We're all worried about you."

"Let me go," she pressed out, taking back her arm. He didn't protest, but she could read in his eyes that he was sincere this time. She looked at him for a few seconds, but didn't say anything else and rushed out of the supermarket, back home.

Once she was there, she sank to the floor and caught her breath. Her gaze landed on her arms, the bruises now visible. All she could do was stare and think about Jane's words.

She saw it now. But she couldn't leave Marcus. She loved him, and they were engaged. She was sure it would all turn out alright in the end. After all, they were still getting used to living together, she was a little cranky that she didn't have a job at the moment, and he was grumpy because he was working all the time.

Marcus had stayed with her. No matter what, he was there. So for him, she would do the same.

She put back her sleeves and went back outside. She had to get the groceries, she had no choice.

~...~

She was exhausted and she felt a little helpless, wanting to prevent him from hitting her or grabbing her too roughly, but she always knew it had been something she'd said that made him like that, every time she got angry at him he got angry back at her, diminishing her rage, reserving that emotion only for him.

She saw it all, was aware of all the bad words and slurs and hits, but she was numb with love, knowing if she would ever leave him, she would regret doing so for the rest of her life. Not to mention the fact that she would remain alone forever, there was nobody as good as him out there.

Even then, if she would want to leave him, she knew he wouldn't let her.

She looked around at her house, so nicely decorated still, and was thrown back to the beginning of their relationship. She had loved him then, deeply, and still did. How was it possible she still loved him so much, after all the pain he had made her suffer? Was she really that naive, such a hopeless romantic?

She heard a knock on the door, and was reluctant to open the door, afraid it would be Marcus. She didn't know if she was ready for him at that moment.

Still, she opened the door, her natural curiosity winning over her slight fears, and found the person she hadn't wanted to see at the other side, accompanied by Kimball Cho and Dennis Abbott.

Jane made her step backwards, and the three individuals stepped inside, closing the door behind them.

"Teresa," Jane whispered, "where is Marcus?"

"At work." Her voice sounded hoarse, even to herself. Damn. She wondered what she looked like to them.

He nodded, and extended his hand, offering it to her.

"What are you doing here, Jane?"

"I'm offering you the option to leave, if you want to."

"I don't want to leave."

However, she wasn't so sure of that. Only a few weeks ago did she realize that this, whatever she was in, was not good for her, but it was too early to give all that up.

"I love him," she whispered, while tears were burning in her eyes, and she felt every single one of her bruises, exhaustion washing over her. She needed help. Here they were, offering her help, but she felt that Marcus could come home any second, and he would get angry at her, for accepting these people into her house whom he had so specifically denied entrance to their life.

Since when had her life started revolving around avoiding him getting angry at her?

"I love him," she repeated, crossing her arms against her chest. This time, her voice sounded a lot stronger than before, but it still sounded foreign, even to her.

Jane took one step towards her, so he was able to hand her something, and she closed her hand around it tight.

She knew it was weird to admit, but she missed Jane. He had messed her up, always minding her business instead of his own, hurting her so deeply she could never trust him fully ever again, but his presence had been a constant in her life, always putting her at ease, even if there was a little bit of fear of what his next action would be. He interested her, and his friendship had meant so much to her.

"That number is safe," he stated, "he won't be able to see that it's us. You can call us any time, even in the middle of the night."

He stepped back, allowing her space.

"Take care, Lisbon."

~...~

Of course Marcus found out that they had been there, but instead of getting angry, he just acted disappointed.

"I told you I didn't want you to see them anymore."

"I didn't see them. They came to see me. I didn't invite them."

"Then why did they come here in the first place?"

"I don't know! How should I know?" she replied, her voice louder than she intended, and she already regretted doing that. He turned to her, putting down whatever he was holding.

"Don't yell at me."

"Why not, though? You get to yell at me all the time." Why are you doing this, Teresa Lisbon? What are you trying to prove? This is the reason he gets angry at you so often - because you have a big mouth.

He got up, and she did too, afraid of what he might do next. He made her back up until her back hit the wall, and she felt so small as he towered over her, both hands beside her head, preventing her from leaving.

"After all I did for you," he whispered, but his tone was so threatening she wanted to dive into a ball, "this is how you repay me?"

"Marcus, you're scaring me," she breathed, her hands shaking. He removed his hands, and she almost breathed a sigh of relief, but then his hands wrapped her neck, and she would have gasped were it not that she couldn't breathe at all.

She tried to tear his hands away, and she doubted if he would be able to carry this through - he loved her, didn't he? He couldn't possibly mean to do this. She let her eyes tell him to stop, that she loved him and that they were better than this, but when he tightened his hands around her, she realized that none of that would work, not this time.

So all of her survival instincts kicked in, her years of experience working for the police making her legs move almost automatically, but she turned off her heart, she couldn't do it knowing she was hurting the man she loved so much. She kicked him in the crotch, so hard he doubled over, and she took off, having just enough time to grab her phone and a pair of shoes and she ran out of their house, not knowing where to go now.

She had a better stamina than him, she knew that, so she knew she could get far before he would catch up with her. When she had ran for what seemed like an eternity, she stopped and took a breath. Her hands were already dialing the number she had memorized, and she wasn't surprised that there was an immediate response from the other side of the line.

However, he didn't say anything, waiting for her to start.

"You were right," she barely managed to articulate, and she lowered herself so she was squatting, trying to catch her breath. "I was so stupid."

"No, you're in love."

"I… I don't know what to do."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. Jane… I loved him once. I still do, I guess… I…"

She fell silent, her breath still labored, and she looked around, hoping that Marcus wasn't close yet. There was one woman who had walked past her and was now circling back, looking at her from a relative distance. Lisbon looked up briefly at the woman, signaling she would be fine, and the woman flashed her a gentle smile and continued with her trip.

"I see a taco shop. There's a row of old houses, one of the fronts is sloping, a lot."

When she didn't continue talking while she looked around to get her bearings, she heard Jane's voice at the other end getting a little worried. "Just keep talking, Lisbon. We'll find you eventually."

And she talked to him about nothing significant, discussing the weather, describing what kind of people passed her, until a car stopped in front of her and she got shivers down her spine.

Everything left though when she saw who emerged, and she couldn't help but rise on her feet and step towards him, wrapping her arms around him tightly, drowning herself in his hold, his presence, she wasn't sure if it was because it was the first sign of affection that had felt real in a long time, or just because he was the first person she could find whom she would be able to hug like this. It didn't matter now.

He guided her into the car, closed the doors and only when they drove away did he pull back to look at her. His gaze immediately went to her throat, and she hoped the bruises weren't too bad, but judging by his feather-light touch, tracing her neck, they probably were.

They didn't talk, she just scooted close to him so she could hug him again, craving somebody to hold on to. He held her tenderly at first, afraid to hurt her, but when she just tightened her arms around him, he pulled her so close she could hardly breathe. Briefly, it reminded her of what she had just gone through, but this was different. It felt good, having his arms around her so tight that all she could feel was him.

~...~

She was checked up at the hospital, but the most she was suffering from was just plain confusion, for she was still unsure of what had happened, and fear that he would find her, yell at her, or worse. It was only when she was in the clean, white environment of the hospital, with Jane's presence near, his worry evident in all of his words uttered to the doctors, that she realized what had happened.

Could he have killed her? Would he have been able to do that? After everything they had been through, so many loving memories, she had trouble believing it.

Abbott and Cho had compiled a case against Marcus as soon as she was in safe hands, taking pictures of her bruises, and she felt numb to it all, still thinking about him.

She loved him. Marcus Pike. He was so good for her, his love filled her like a beacon, making her glow from the inside out, making her look at the world through pink glasses, her head held high.

Jane hardly said anything to her, just let his presence be known, and let her know that he would be there for her if she wanted to talk to somebody, or just needed a hug. He didn't even talk badly about Marcus, not one bad word, and she wondered why that was.

When all of the evidence was stored and she was cleared to go home, she hesitated.

The only home she knew would be back into his arms. And no matter how much she loved him - she wasn't ready to go back.

"Jane?" she asked as she walked up to him, feeling like a little girl needing something from her father, her hands clasped together for support.

He looked up at her from whatever he was doing, and nodded at her.

"Can I stay at your place? It's just temporarily, I promise. I just… need some time to think, and I have nowhere else to go."

He got up, placing both of his hands on her upper arms. It made her flinch, and he pulled back, flinching himself.

"Sorry." He looked into her eyes, showing nothing but sincerity. "Of course you can stay at my place, Lisbon."

She was grateful for his care, feeling a little guilty that she had thrown this all away just because Marcus had told her to. Maybe there was a possibility for Marcus to stay her love, while Patrick Jane stayed her good friend. She just had to convince both men of that fact.

~...~

They went to his place, which was really just the Airstream, and she felt regret as she realized that there was not a lot of space in there, not even two beds, so would they have to share the bed? No. She would sleep on the couch. It was better than living at home for now.

He thought differently, however. He put his own pajamas on the couch, showing her the bed, but she was too tired to argue this - if he wanted her to have the bed, she would.

She showered, changed and lay in bed - his bed. She couldn't deny that everything smelled of him, and that it made her feel safe, the scent so typically Patrick Jane, the man she had known for over a decade.

She turned onto her side, and that was the first time she felt her bruises, more than a physical pain, she felt the emotional impact it had on her, but which she had suppressed, feeling like she had overreacted, perhaps her childhood traumas catching up with her, making everything seem more severe than they actually were.

She didn't notice she was crying until she was struggling to take a breath, and the sound she made sounded a lot like wheezing. She heard Jane turning on the couch, and her heart ached, missing Marcus but knowing she wouldn't be able to return to him soon.

She sat up, looking at his form, and she felt drawn to him, wanting to be in his arms, but she had hurt him so much, she couldn't do this to him, give him false hope.

"Lisbon?"

She startled, sniffling and wiping her nose, feeling so damn pathetic.

"Can you please come here?"

He was with her within seconds, standing next to the bed, and she gave in, kneeling on the bed and wrapping her arms around him, crying against his shoulder, and he was there for her, making her lay down and slipped in the space beside her so easily. She wanted to tell him so many things, but before she was able to voice any of them, she fell asleep.

~...~

She woke up with his face close to hers, he was still peacefully asleep, some of his blonde curls plastered to his forehead, and she reached up to brush them away, caressing his cheeks.

Patrick Jane, her good friend, who had, despite her telling him clearly that she didn't want him to, stayed close to make sure that she was doing alright. He had always been stubborn, and he would probably remain like that for the rest of his beautiful life. She hoped he would find a way to be happy, whether it was with a restful hobby or a woman.

Patrick Jane, with a woman. She had trouble imagining that picture, she had never seen him with a woman, except for the few arm candies from time to time. Would he ever be able to find someone again, who meant as much to him as Angela had?

Her heart constricted a little. Why was she so naive, still? She knew why she felt like this - there was still a little bit of hope inside her that she could be that woman for him.

Why was she like this?

She turned off her thoughts and just focused on him, in her arms, looking like a little angel. He was so beautiful. It wasn't the first time she realized this, had seen it years ago, but she couldn't remember exactly when.

He awoke a little later, as she was still looking at him, admiring his beauty, and she felt a little breathless, not sure what she was feeling.

He smiled sleepily at her and settled back down to continue his sleep, but she interrupted him when words suddenly escaped her.

"Jane, I'm so sorry."

It took him a few seconds to register her words, but when he did, he fully opened his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I shut you out, treated you like crap when all you were trying to do was help me. I should have known from the start."

He looked at her, averted his eyes for a moment, then returned to her.

"You couldn't have known. Nobody could. And even now, nobody can blame you for the things you did. You love him, I know you still do. He gave you the attention that you so desperately craved, that nobody else gave to you."

She was silent for a while, and so was he, neither of them knowing where to go from there.

Perhaps he was right. She hadn't felt love like this in years, probably ever, so the fact that Marcus had been there for her on such a deep level connected with her, made her feel like he was the only one for her.

"I want you to know that whatever you do next, I will be there for you, Lisbon. Whether you want to stay with him, or leave him, I will support you. You're not alone. I care about you."

"How can I leave him if he's the only one who's ever loved me this deeply?"

That rendered him silent. He couldn't look at her, and she picked up on it, how could she not? Though she did not know the reason for it, if he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force him.

He raised a hand, but lowered it. Instead, he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"I… I don't know how much he loves you. I never talked to him about it, I don't think I ever will. But… I do know a thing or two about being married, happily… and I want you to know that what I'm about to say… I don't want to talk negatively about him…"

She put a hand on his cheek, making him look at her. His eyes opened and she saw he broke.

"The way he treats you, it's wrong. Men shouldn't hit or even threaten the woman they love."

There. She felt like that was what he had wanted to tell her for months now, and she even thought she saw some relief in his face, having uttered those words.

She let his words sink in, and she knew he was right. Her father had hit her, had nearly killed her, but by that time, he hadn't loved her anymore, was too much of a drunk to be capable of human emotions. And Marcus Pike - he had loved her once, but his insecurities had gotten the better of him, and when he had hurt her, he usually looked for excuses, showering her with apologies, while his behavior never really changed.

If he loved her so much, why did he hurt her? Why wouldn't he let go of his abusive patterns, for her?

Did she want to be with him? That was the real question, she knew. It was not a matter of loving him, because she did, and it was not a matter of him loving her, because he did. She had to think about her future - did she want to return to him, knowing he would scold her for running away, leaving him alone… wait. It had been his hands that had been wrapped around her neck, almost choking her to death, but she knew that he would find a way to make it about him, how she had hurt him, had provoked his behavior. He always would.

It was always about him. She had no room to feel what she wanted to feel, seeing as every time she did, he would punish her for it.

So did she really want to be with him, still? She looked at the man who was in her arms now, somebody who had hurt her countless of times, but all of them emotional. What was worse? Bearing the bruises on her arms, or on her heart?

She looked at her left hand, where his ring was showing off proudly, reminding her of a better time, when she hadn't been living in fear for what the next minute would bring her. In one fluid motion, she took it off, throwing it away, let out a sigh as the weight of it fell off her shoulders. It was Jane who let out a gasp at her action.

"I want to leave him," she whispered, cupping both of his cheeks, "but I think I need your help with that."

He nodded, a flicker in his eyes.

"Anything, Lisbon. Tell me how I can help and I will try my best to do that for you. I promise."

She simply held him closer, knowing, no, hoping that she could trust him this time around.

~...~

She was immediately ready to go back to work, the work she had so rudely shoved away when she had united with Marcus Pike months before, wanting a distraction from the pain she was still in, body and soul. Cho was more than willing to take her back into the team, having saved a spot for her, claiming that he couldn't find somebody who could fill up the empty spot she had left.

She needed to go back to that familiar routine, see the people she hadn't seen in ages, feel her old self again. Everything was like she had left it, Jane's couch still in its old spot, her desk the one in front of him.

It felt nice having him close to her, and she felt safe around him, even if she was scared that he would hurt her like he had hurt her before. After all, Patrick Jane had never showed her any reason to trust him. Now, however, she felt he was trying to redeem himself, lay himself at her feet to help her cope with her struggles.

"Do you want something?" he asked her. She shook her head, staying focused on her computer screen.

"Coffee it is, then." He walked away to the canteen, and she fought down a smile knowing that he would get her the coffee anyway, even if she had told him she didn't want anything.

He had proven to be the friend he had always needed to be for her, teasing her mercilessly and involving her in full-blown bantering, but knowing when to back off and let her recover, not drone on until she exploded. She appreciated him around, like she had always wanted him to be, now that she had the time to think about it.

She heard a commotion at the elevator, and it tore her out of her thoughts, considering the usual sounds that were heard in the office was the soft buzzing of conversations and the annoying ringtones. She turned her head and instantly wished she hadn't, because the person she was met with was none other than-

"Teresa Lisbon!" he yelled, approaching her. Everybody around her jumped up, but no one quicker than herself. The bruises that were still in her neck and around her arms reminded her that this man, who was storming towards her, could not be trusted with her heart. Not anymore.

She held up one hand before him.

"No."

He didn't stop. He rushed through all her defenses, pushing all of her friends away and reducing her to the small, helpless girl she always felt with him. This had to stop. Spending time with the man she loved shouldn't make her feel like she had to fear him.

He roughly grabbed her arm.

"You're coming with me. You hear me? You humiliated me. And you went around spreading lies, after all I've done for you!"

She took back her arm, shaking him off.

"It's over, Marcus."

And he snapped. He hit her in her face, so hard she thought she would black out, and she fell back, straight into strong arms. Looking up, she knew she was safe, as he guided her away from the scene that was unfolding before her, while everything around her turned, her head heavy with pain.

He had assaulted the floor's favorite agent, in the midst of countless of other law enforcement - to say that they were angry with him was a gross understatement.

Jane took her to a small space where they were out of sight from everybody else, and she wrapped her arms around him, needing somebody to hold on to.

"They will kill him."

"That's a possibility." She felt him shaking a little too - was he scared or angry now? Probably both.

"I don't want them to kill him."

He nodded and pulled her close. One of his hands was in her hair, caressing, and it reassured her, made her feel safe and loved.

She looked up at him.

"Jane…"

"Don't say it yet, Lisbon."

She frowned. "Say what?"

"What you were about to say." He looked at her, cupping both of her cheeks. "I only want you to say it when all of this has settled down, when you're absolutely certain."

And she loved him. So much. She knew that now. She was trying to think of a time when she didn't love him, but she came up empty.

"Jane… Thank you."

He kissed her forehead and didn't say anything else. What else would there be to say beside rushed words at the worst possible time imaginable?

~...~

Marcus was sentenced to a prison sentence of a year for domestic violence, but Lisbon knew that he believed he wasn't in the wrong. He would do the same thing, time and time again, but not to her. She was done with his excuses.

Jane was there for her, to help her treat her wounds, and she was grateful for his presence. He didn't expect anything from her, not even a hug or a bite of dinner, was only there for her sake.

It was really a selfless act, and she admired him even more for that.

She stood in front of a full-length mirror, her bruises still visible, and she felt like crying, her past still haunting her even when she had specifically told it to piss off.

Her hand traced the bruises in her neck, the physical pain gone but the emotional pain was still there, unable to move out of her memories.

She had trusted him with her life, had loved him despite his moods, but the only thing she had gotten in response was pain. Breaking up with him was not necessarily because she didn't love him any longer; there was no mutual respect in their relationship, and she knew she deserved that.

The door to the little bathroom opened, and all he did was look at her, although she could see that his eyes were dilated.

Her relationship with Jane, although it was not an intimate one, was more about mutual respect than the other one could ever have been. He respected her boundaries, and she his, but they still tried to find a way within that physical distance to show that they cared.

"Can I say it now?" she asked him, hoping he understood what she meant.

"Say what?" She felt it was his opportunity given to her to back out, but she wouldn't back down, not unless he would.

"I love you."

She saw her words crash through his walls, and tears formed in his eyes, and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him - so she did just that.

"Oh, Teresa," he whispered against her hair, his hands holding her close. "I love you, too. So, so much."

But she already knew, though it felt good to hear the words out loud. He loved her - it was the reason he had stayed on her trail even when she had pushed him away, because he had seen that she wasn't happy, and had seen that something was off.

He pulled away to look at her, one hand caressing her hair.

"I promise I will be good to you. I know I don't have a history of treating you well, but I swear… I won't be like…"

She shook her head. "I know. I trust you."

He let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't lying - she trusted him. Even if this would turn out the same, she still did. She couldn't be helped.

"Just promise you won't hurt me."

"I promise, Teresa." His lips against her ear convinced her the last few inches.

"And now," she whispered as she put her forehead against his, "I want you to kiss me."

He didn't need her to repeat that sentence, and as his lips touched hers, she knew she only lived for him, to have one more moment to be inside his arms, have his presence beside her.

She had fallen for him years ago, and had never quite recovered, even if she had tried her very best to shake it off. Head over heels, this was the real thing.

"Let's get you to bed," he whispered, no underlying message, and they slept in each other's arms. She didn't need that sexual contact for now to know that he would never leave her again.

It was difficult at times. If she didn't see him while he touched her, she startled out of pure reflex, yet he would show her that it was him, would turn to her so he could look into her eyes. Let her know how much he loved her.

~...~

She still thought about her time with Marcus, because how could she not? She had lived together with the man for months, so she was bound to be reminded of it from time to time.

Yet one time, she was so far gone in her memories that she had dropped the plate she was holding with lunch and all, and she stared at the shards for a moment, before panic started to rise in her chest, afraid of being reprimanded. The panic rose to a crescendo, leaving her breathless while still trying to pick up the pieces.

Someone knelt before her.

"Teresa?" a soft voice whispered.

"I'm so sorry. I will clean up the mess."

"Teresa." She looked up, and was almost immediately met by soft but strong hands that brushed the tears from her cheeks. "It's okay. It's just a plate."

"Look at this mess."

"I will clean it up. You go sit down."

She protested, more tears following, and he merely pushed her towards the nearest chair, and she childishly cried while looking at him clean up the mess, the way it had always been the past year.

She wondered why he was still with her. She was an emotional wreck, and sometimes she even pulled away from him. She felt like she was the worst partner she could be for him, and wished that maybe he could be with another woman. But she was a little selfish, and she loved him. He was good for her.

He finished up and knelt in front of her again, his hands looking for her, holding them in her lap.

"Why do you stay with me, still, Patrick?"

He kissed the palm of both her hands. She felt a shiver run up her spine.

"I love you."

"Okay."

"A lot."

"Even though I am so high maintenance?"

Her words made him chuckle a little, his head dipping low to kiss her wrist.

"You're not high maintenance. Your trust was broken. But that will never happen, ever again, not on my watch."

"I trust you. I always have."

"And I will give you enough reason to do so, if you'll let me."

She nodded and inched close, and before she linked their lips, he brushed the final remains of her tears away.

"By the way," he whispered, smiling at her softly, "I never liked that plate anyway."

~...~

The first time they made love had blown her mind - she had never loved anyone as deeply as she loved Patrick Jane, never would again, and with every kiss and touch and sigh, Marcus Pike melted off of her, Patrick's caresses making her feel like being reborn.

It wasn't easy. But they had each other to lean on.

She loved looking at him after making love, stark naked, sweat on his forehead, a small, content smile on his lips as his eyes closed in bliss.

She kissed his cheek, and his hand reached out to touch her, where wasn't important.

"You make me so happy," he whispered, and it made her smile, proud that even with her changing moods and her traumas, she managed to make him smile.

"Patrick?"

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always, Teresa."

She traced his lips, feeling his smile under her fingers.

"Will you marry me?"

His eyes flew open, and his face turned towards her, happiness blossoming in his beautiful eyes, and she was even more certain of this, of them.

"Are you sure?"

"Is this a no?" she teased him.

"Yes. I mean, no, it's not a no… I mean…" He shut up for a moment, and she smiled at him, brushing his cheek. "Nothing will make me happier than to be your husband, Teresa Lisbon. I love you so much."

She answered him by kissing his lips, letting her love show, hoping he knew that she loved him back, with all of her heart.

She had gone to her own low, feeling like she could never find love again, would never be able to trust another human being ever again. But here she was, with Patrick Jane, who had loved her all these years, and who had, despite hurting her from time to time, supported her and moved only to make sure that she was as most comfortable as she could be.

He loved her. She was so blessed to have him.

* * *

 **A/N: So let me know what you thought! Happy-ish fic coming up soon! (I have another AU-Angsty fic, will publish it after I have tweaked it enough to live up to my low quality of fics, lol.)**


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